:: Deepquest ::

After a week of cascading mortar and artillery attacks, rebel forces are increasing their pressure on the remaining Coca-Cola(R)-backed strongholds here in Monrovia, food service industry representatives said Friday.
Chubby teenage combatants of the Pepsi(R)-supported rebels were seen chugging Mountain Dew(TM) and slamming Taco Bell(R) Gorditas(TM) to keep up their attacks Thursday night – attacks labeled by some observers as “extreme”. As rebels poured in to the capital, pro-Coca-Cola(R) forces were unable to refresh their forces and observers felt their ability to remain in charge was evaporating.

Efforts by peacekeepers from the United Nations Command Organization of Liberated Africa (UNCOLA) to relieve the pressure in blood-drenched Monrovia reportedly fell flat.

Over the last year, Liberia has been badly shaken by a cold war between volatile and seemingly unstoppable soft-drink distributors and President-For-Life Charles Pibb. In a violent 2000 overthrow, Pibb dissolved the government of his medically trained predecessor Robert Pepper. With his presidency still fresh, the bubbly Pibb promised to restore “perfect harmony” and dilute the bottled-up rage of the [url=http://liberia.takingitglobal.org/discuss/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1834]opposing forces[/url], but his efforts were not considered the real thing, and events in Liberia once again spilled over into violence.

Pepsi(R) stock went up 1 1/4 on the news. Coca-Cola(R) shares were down 1/2 Friday after a volatile session.